Hi Marian- Thanks for reading and sharing John Gottman’s research. I agree with much of Gottman regarding the importance of emotional intelligence. Men (and women) who have emotional intelligence are much better equipped to handle the challenges that inevitably come up in relationships.

I disagree that “the man holds the key” in relationships. Even the article you quoted from noted Gottman’s point: “That is not to say men are the source of all problems in a marriage, he added.”

Men are often the problem, especially when emotionally immature, not to mention substance abuse issues, or violence. But as a cop, I responded to many domestic calls where the woman was abusive, addicted, cheating, or abusing her husband (and sometimes her children as well).

My article is not just a personal opinion piece (although nearly 30 years of police work has taught me a lot about people and relationships). Rather, I offered the clinical observations and advice of Dr. Gordan Livingston, a much respected psychiatrist. It was his professional conclusion that “The person who cares the least has the most power in a relationship,” and my career in law enforcement and life experiences have supported that conclusion.